HOTEL MYSTERIOSA - J Anthony Hartley
Updated: Mar 15
Hotel Mysteriosa Information
Tel. 31 (0) 245 1123 6386 Fax 31(0) 20 6462233 E-mail Hoemail@example.com
Welcome to the Hotel Mysteriosa. We hope you will have a pleasant and enjoyable stay. Your needs and safety are our utmost priority at all times. Below, please find information that will help to make your stay complete.
Our friendly staff is here to greet you with a smile as soon as you arrive from your journey. Businessmen and the weary traveller alike are accommodated. We will deal with your lost luggage request in a timely and efficient manner, though we cannot guarantee results. We wish to provide you with a feeling of your ‘home away from home,’ though the friendly faces of your wife and family may not be nearby. Any frustrations from your journey will be dealt with accordingly. Broad mirrors behind the reception desk allow you to check the shadows beneath your eyes before retiring briefly to your room to freshen up before making use of the rest of our many services. Our family-run establishment is designed to cater discreetly to your needs. We understand that after your long journey, you may not be eager to engage in conversation and as a rule, we will do the utmost to respect your privacy. We will not interrupt you unless it is absolutely necessary.
All of our hotel porters are local to the area and will accompany you to your room to point out the facilities. Though perhaps not fluent in your language, they are happy to regale you with tales of local history, designed to fascinate and amuse as they drop your bags, ready for you to unpack. The hotel can accept no responsibility for any damage to the contents. Gratuities are gratefully accepted. We understand if you might need some time after the porter leaves to sort out your belongings. We strongly advise travel insurance to counter those unfortunate breakages.
All valuables should be deposited in the in-room safe. Money, credit cards, wallets, should be placed securely within. Use of the in-room safe is at your own risk and we cannot guarantee it will keep your valuables completely safe. However, we would advise not leaving valuables in your luggage or clothing. The hotel bears no responsibility or liability for loss or damage. Security remains the responsibility of our guests.
Dial 9. The switchboard is not always staffed. If you have a complaint, or need, it is sometimes useful to employ the Suggestions form, located in your desk. We strongly suggest not coming down from your room and tapping impatiently on the reception desk with your room key. This is unlikely to have the desired results.
The operator will be happy to connect you to any local numbers. See above.
Long-distance and international
The operator will try to connect you to numbers more distant. However, it is the hotel’s duty to advise that local services may not always enable the appropriate connections.
Television and Radio:
Two local language television stations are accessible. Lying as it does within a forested valley, sometimes reception may not be clear. In these cases, we advise switching off the television and waiting until reception improves. We also provide one local radio station that specialises in traditional local ballads. The radio can be found on Channel 3 of your television set. Some visitors find the local music a little jarring, so we would ask you to respect the needs of our other guests and keep the volume low.
Leisure and Transportation:
Lying as it does within the remote reaches of the hills, the need for transportation and local leisure activities are few. Might we suggest a brisk walk in the woods before dinner? We would advise to avoid such activities in winter and particularly after dark. Darkness falls very early in the colder seasons and we would ask you to be aware of the time if you choose to go walking. Please notify Reception if you intend to leave the hotel. Drivers to the larger towns in the region can be arranged with at least two days’ notice. As most of our guests prefer their privacy and anonymity, such services are not normally required. Remember, discretion is the watchword at Hotel Mysteriosa.
We feel it our responsibility to remind you to be aware of your safety and security at all times. We strongly recommend you to carry your room key with you at all times. Do not let strangers into your room if at all possible. Sometimes, the solitary traveller can become a target of the less reputable elements of a region. Remember, a traveller is a stranger and easily identifiable as such.
After your tiring journey, why not relax in the hotel bar? Our barman is expert in many of the local products sure to delight and intrigue your taste buds. The lighting in our bar is kept low to ensure the privacy of our guests and you may choose to either sit at our traditional carved wood bar or take the more solitary option of choosing one of our velvet padded seats arranged around the edges of the walls. Each table is equipped with a bowl of local snacks which you may eye dubiously as you sip your dark beer, but we can assure you that they are of the utmost quality.
The atmosphere of our bar makes it the ideal meeting place for strangers alone on business, or simply those retreating for a bit of peace and quiet. Occasionally, we may have some of the local residents coming for a drink and to enjoy the company of others, as much as the individual traveller. Should you meet someone and offer to buy them a drink, might we suggest one of our exotic cocktails.
The quiet and private atmosphere of our bar is the ideal place to strike up a conversation. As often happens, the chance look, the fleeting smile in such a setting can result in introductions and moving closer together with new friends. As your heads lean in close for that private conversation, be assured that our barman will be careful not to be seen to be watching, though the briefest smile may touch his lips as your companion tosses her head back with laughter at your witty conversation, then leans forward again to look meaningfully into your eyes.
After an intimate drink in our bar, why not make use of our restaurant facilities to get to know your new friends. Designed to cater for the larger group or couples, you can be sure to find what you need, whether it be a quick snack or a more leisurely meal. The local specialties and wines can make such a meal an experience to remember. Be assured that our tableware is chosen to make the most of your dining pleasure, from the thin-stemmed glasses, allowing gentle fingerplay up and down their length, to the small candles placed at each table, allowing subtle light to glow in the depths of her eyes. As usual, our restaurant staff will stay in the background, promising not to disturb your conversation or to appear at an awkward moment in the midst of one of the long, meaningful pauses.
Room service is available 24 hours a day, but late at night, you may need to be patient. If it’s a bottle of champagne, or a simple snack, be sure to dial 9 and speak with our staff. What better way to cap the evening than with a bottle of the local bubbly?
The Hotel can also provide many of those essential items that you might have forgotten in your travels, whether it be toiletries or those pharmaceutical needs that you might not have thought to pack. Just include them with your room service order and they will be delivered to your room in a prompt and efficient manner.
Once they have delivered your order, our staff will retire, leaving you to your night. As with all of our staff, their position is to serve, not to judge. Should they, perchance, find a semi-naked companion sprawled upon your bed, there would not be so much as a raised eyebrow. They are trained to withdraw and leave you to your privacy in all cases.
Before retiring, be sure to set a wake-up call. Reception will call you at a pre-arranged hour. Just dial 9 to set the time. (See above, under Reception). Should the guest not answer, Reception will continue calling. From time to time, when our guests do not answer, our staff may find it necessary to access the room. If, after repeated calls and knocking at the door, there is no response, they will use their passkey to gain access to the room. We hope you understand. Your security is always our primary concern.
In no way can the Hotel nor its staff be held responsible for any acts of violence, theft or infringement of personal security. We will not be held liable for any loss or damage to your property or person. Any reports will be dealt with by the local police, however the guest stays at his or her own risk and the Hotel is not responsible for any of the choices or actions our guests may take. In the past, there have been accusations that the Hotel has worked in collaboration with local underworld figures. This, of course, is completely false. Any discussion of secret societies or arcane rites and rituals should be completely discounted.
In the case of injury or death, the nearest hospital is many miles distant. A local doctor can be called to assist in the more extreme cases but be assured that our staff are trained in first aid procedures. Unfortunately, on occasion, such emergency assistance may not be sufficient, or may be too late. In those circumstances, a local coroner is available to deal with the relevant paperwork. The Hotel will take this responsibility as its duty to our guests.
On occasion, things go wrong. In extreme cases, things break in the course of normal usage or in that unusual circumstance when there is an accidental damage. Though the Hotel cannot be held responsible for such cases, our maintenance staff are always on hand to repair or replace those things when needed. For example, should your in-room safe become damaged, it may be necessary to replace it. We hope you will understand that sometimes, your room may become unavailable while such repairs are carried out.
The Hotel provides a daily laundry service, to make sure that your comfort is maintained at all times. Unsightly stains on your bedding, or merely on your clothing can be cleaned with enough notice. The Hotel makes sure to replace your bedding regularly, especially if it is marked or damaged in such a way as it is unable to be cleaned.
The rooms are cleaned on a rotating basis every few days. This includes vacuuming, making up the bed and the bathroom. If required, our maids will also scrub the floors with buckets of hot soapy water to remove those problem marks that may be difficult to shift. In extreme cases, the Hotel will replace the mattress as well. If the Hotel becomes aware of such a need, you can be assured that the service will be supplied as promptly as possible. We always like to make sure that a guest finds their room as if it were newly furnished. We understand that first impressions count.
In case of accident or unforeseen events, it is necessary, from time to time, to call the police. Our local police force is friendly and helpful, and the hotel has been dealing with them for many years. You can be assured that the local police will handle any matters that arise with the utmost of discretion.
With these tips, you should be able to ensure that you have a safe and pleasant visit.
In case you have any other questions not covered in the information contained in this sheet, do not hesitate to enquire at Reception (see above).
Enjoy your stay at Hotel Mysteriosa! We strive to make it truly unforgettable!
J. Anthony Hartley is an Australian writer transplanted to Germany by way of the UK. his fiction generally wanders across genre boundaries or shamelessly disregards them. He can be found on Twitter at @JAnthonyHartle1 .